Avant
by CattyAndChin
Summary: “Having fun yet?” He stroked her cheek, and to her utter shock Blair felt a jolt run through her, she snapped herself back, she must’ve hit a whole new level of revulsion." Set before the Shepherd wedding, UES crowd-centric. Blair-centric.
1. Chapter 1

**Set before the Shepherd wedding, before Serena left, before Dan, when it was just the UES crowd. It's Blair-centric.**

Ugh. Oh my god. Blair had only been here for 20 minutes and already there was vomit on her Jimmy Choos. Her favourite Jimmy Choos. Her favourite suede Jimmy Choos. Ugh. Her mother would never forgive this. Nate didn't seem to care.

"So take them off!" He told her, his arm draped a little too heavily across her shoulders. She felt like a countertop.

She was trying her best, she really was, she just didn't feel comfortable at all. Blair didn't really drink; at least she didn't drink like her friends were right now. If there was one thing Blair loved it was control and alcohol compromised that.

Iz's apartment was free for the weekend. Scrap that, Iz's apartment was always free at the weekends; her parents practically lived at their country house in Connecticut; and as for the doorman, well he got the same treatment as any maitre d' or bouncer; doormen's jackets are perfect for stuffing hundred dollar bills up.

Blair was waiting for Serena, she said she'd be here by now, but then again, Serena was always "fashionably late" as her mother put it. While Eleanor seemed to think this was a great virtue and very harming, Blair despised anything but punctuality. Why give a time if you won't keep to it?

Her feet felt exceptionally dirty, she decided to go to the bathroom to give the feet of her tights a quick wipe down.

She had sat down on the edge of the bath with wipes in hand when she noticed Chuck sitting on the marble floor in the corner, watching her silently. He was smoking, but not cigarettes, the air was sweet and pungent and his eyes were less focused.

"Elise never could hold tequila." He murmured with a glance to her feet.

"Are you done being creepy yet Chuck I'm not in the mood."

He heaved himself to his feet and sauntered over, she stood p and he pressed up close to her pinning her to the bath.

"Having fun yet?" He stroked her cheek, and to her utter shock Blair felt a jolt run through her, she snapped herself back, she must've hit a whole new level of revulsion, she could smell weed and crab meat on his breath, "Of course not. This is you we're talking about." And he blew the thick smoke out in her face.

Blair pushed him off her, he took a step back. "Fine, have it your way."

He strolled out, joint in hand, Blair followed, thankfully the bathroom was on its own corridor so no-one saw her.

She wanted to go home but she forced herself to re-enter the crowded living room. Serena had arrived, but she wasn't her usual self, she wasn't even her drunk self. She sat on the sofa next to Georgina, completely tense; her limbs clamped together, her hands fidgeting.

Blair sat down on the sofa across from her, but Serena didn't seem to notice her, she was talking to herself more than anyone else.

"I can't believe her, I though we were getting somewhere and then," she buried her face in her hands and pressed fingers into her eyes in frustration, Georgina was trying to hush her, "she tells me we're going out for dinner" her voice was muffled till she pulled her face up, her features stretched into odd shapes, "just the three of us! Well I know what that means. I know what that means."

"Shh! I've got something that'll make you feel better. .. "Georgina giggled, she was bent over the table and Blair only now clocked what she was doing, a thin line of white powder lay on the table, Georgina bent her head down and made what Blair could only describe as the least ladylike noise Blair had ever heard.

Blair's eyes were wide as plates in shock, her mouth formed a little "oh!" of surprise. Serena looked at the second line furtively, "I'm not sure Georgina . . . I've never . . . and . . . I mean . . . Klaus . . ."

Georgina, whose eyes wee bright now leant back and whispered something in Serena's ear, they both giggled and glanced at Blair. Serena pouted and she and Georgina stared at each other for a minute before bursting into laughter, Serena shifted herself so that she was closer to the coffee table.

Blair got up before she saw what came next, she felt like the biggest fool in the world.

She's had enough, she was going to leave, and Nate came up to her, and grabbed her. "Blair!" he giggled and stuck his tongue in her mouth. It wasn't sexy or romantic, it was just gross. His tongue felt massive in her mouth and his spit tasted stale.

Once her surfaced, he pulled her over to the group they had been with earlier, Chuck sat languidly in the group and she could feel his dark eyes on her the whole time and the same jolt as before hit her. She ignored him.

There was a bottle sat in the middle of the group. Someone passed her a half-empty bottle of vodka, fuck it; she drank half of it straight and had to put the back of her wrist against her mouth to stop herself from vomiting there and then. Christ, she knew what to do when she needed to purge again, this was disgusting.

The bottle was spun and some people made out, hen it hit her, she gave Asher a chaste kiss on the cheek and everyone laughed, one of the lacrosse guys slapped Nate on the back. Her head was hurting and she was feeling more irritable, sounds and colours pressed in one her, was this drunkenness? Why did anyone drink?

As Chuck kissed the girl next to her, his eyes stayed open and trained on Blair, she couldn't help but look back. He finished and sat back down. A tall, blonde girl in the year above them, Ashlee spun the bottle and it hit Nate. Blair's heart just about stopped, before she could pat his arm to remind him of her presence, he was leaning forward and kissing Ashlee with more fervour than he had ever kissed her, the Lacrosse boys whooped and the girls watched Blair intently. Blair bit her lip and blinked back tears that crowded her eyes.

Nate sat back down and put his arm around Blair again, taking swig for his beer bottle, he and Ashlee were still glancing at each other, flirting with their eyes. No-one else was acting like this was strange so Blair let it lie. She felt like her stomach was going to eject its contents all over the Persian rug. After a while, Nate got up and pottered about a side table, Blair sat drinking the rest of the vodka, she couldn't talk to him right now.

Serena seemed livelier now; she and Georgina were dancing together in their bras on a table, letting guys stick dollar bills in their skirt waistbands and laughing, singing along in foreign accents. Blair hugged her knees to her chest and took another gulp. Chuck was still watching her out of the corner of his eye, another girl kissing his neck though he didn't reciprocate.

He glanced up and started a little, Blair turned, Ashlee was leading Nate into a room, their fingers curled loosely together, before the door slammed she saw him step forward and grab her waist.

Normally Blair would have cried, she would have gone home, but Blair was angry. And drunk.

She got up, Chuck moved to do the same, one eyebrow raised, but one look from her made him sink back into his chair.

Blair approached Carter; he was looking at Serena from across the room. She was now kissing Georgina as the guys around whooped and screamed and laughed.

And she did something she normally only ever did for Nate, she turned her eyes _on_.

She stood up close to him and she spoke low so he had to lean even closer and she bit her lips and put her hands on his waist when he thought he made her laugh and let it slip down so it was just inches from . . .

And she became aware of a flash, she looked over, girls were talking behind their hands and whispering and looking at her as if she were the devil incarnate.

Beyond them, Nate emerged from the room with Ashlee, her cheeks were flushed and her hair was a bit dishevelled but no-one took a photo of them and no-one whispered things about them. Carter saw Nate and pushed Blair off him a little. She stumbled backwards and towards the door, Nate was looking at her but he wouldn't meet her eye, Chuck was still watching her, Georgina and Serena were giggling under the arms of a Columbia junior, the whispers hurt her ears and she grabbed her ruined shoes and stumbled out to hail a taxi, her bare feet got wet in the new York sludge.

She rocked herself back and forward in the taxi. She had always known that Nate did that, but seeing it was different. She psyched herself up for it, she was going to end it, she ran her wet hand all over her face, smudging her make-up and pulled her necklace off, breaking it, she felt like it was choking her. Nate. Serena. Georgina. Carter. Chuck. They swirled round in her head faster and faster.

She fell into the lift and out into the apartment. Her mother was some reading some document on the chaise longue.

"Blair, what on earth?"

Blair had had enough, she came out with a slurred rant about men and feminism and life and lies and how she wasn't going to do any of it and she was going to break up with Nate and sleep with whoever she wanted and never drink and never wear bras and never let people eat crab. She though it was quite eloquent but her mother merely took off her reading glasses wearily.

"I think perhaps its time you took your make-up off and went to bed."

Blair let out a little scream of frustration and stomped up the stairs, slipping and almost falling several times on the way to her bedroom.

She collapsed next to the toile. She felt ill. She felt stupid. She felt fat. If she broke up with Nate, who would sleep with her? She'd be a virgin forever! She leaned over the toilet and didn't have to touch her throat at all, the image of Ashlee's flushed cheeks and Nate's content eyes and the itch of Carter's hands on her and the sound of Serena snorting and the smell of Chuck's breath enveloped her and she vomited until there was nothing left but bile. She flushed. She felt better without the vodka inside her. Everything would be okay. In the morning things would be normal again.

She got up and took her make-up off, brushed hair, put on her pyjamas and slid into bed, willing herself to sleep for a morning when she could forget,


	2. Chapter 2

The first thing Blair became aware of was light, and noise, and then that these two things seemed to be causing her a great deal of pain.

"Miss Blair!" heavily accented English swam through her thick duvet, "the brunch of Mister Bass, you must get up!"

The duvet was pulled back to reveal Blair, her clothes from the night before scattered next to her.

"You are sleeping with your Chanel, get up, now. You father is wanting to speak with you before you go."

The door slammed and Blair winced. She was sleeping with her Chanel and Nate had slept with Ashlee. She sat up, her head screamed at her but she steeled herself. She had told herself that things would be better in the morning and if things didn't bend to her will automatically, she would make them be better.

The shower felt like a big, furry, warm hug. The steam closed in around her body and the stale fug of vomit and smoke and hairspray was washed away by the hot, pounding water on her back.

She stepped out and avoided the mirror until she had dried her hair and got into her underwear, she turned, bracing herself and oh my god.

Her complexion was pale and ill-looking, she had massive drooping bags under her eyes and her hair was in its natural state, straight and uninspiring. This would take some work. Thank you dear Yves Saint Laurent for Touché Éclat. She was going to need it.

It took Blair double the normal amount of time to get ready, she felt sluggish and when she went downstairs, her mother and father were waiting at the breakfast table in silence. Her mother was spreading apricot jam on a minature croissant and her father was reading the Wall Street Journal. Business as usual.

"Blair-bear," he looked up, smiling. This was not what Blair had expected after her outburst last night; her mother glanced up to evaluate her appearance before returning to the apparently fascinating task of meticulously spreading jam on pastry.

"I've been meaning to ask you, is Nate going to be joining us on the way to the brunch?"

Blair was thrown off at the mention of Nate, "I, uh, haven't had the chance to ask him?"

"You were with him last night weren't you sweetie?"

"It must have, um, slipped my mind."

He smiled indulgently at her. "Never mind, I'm sure we'll see him there. The Captain is usually on our table."

Blair's mother rolled her eyes and muttered something to herself, Blair caught what sounded suspiciously like "That insipid little man."

Blair's father looked at her warningly, then, "We should head off now, should we not Eleanor?"

"Blair hasn't eaten a thing!"

"I'm sure there'll be plenty there, Bass Industries is making a killing in the stocks." He said tapping his paper knowingly.

Blair hesitated as they all got up to leave, "Is something wrong Blair-bear?"

She studied his face closely and glanced over to her mother who was looking at her as if she were behaving like a madwoman.

"Nothing, Daddy, it's just that . . . is there anything . . .?" She trailed off; she had no idea what to say. Am I in trouble? Did Mom tell you I came in wasted and hysterical last night? Do you not care if I drink until I puke?

"Nothing."

That was the day Blair Waldorf learned she could do anything.

-----

The brunch was beautiful, all flowers and fine linens and models with trays of champagne flutes stacked with bucks fizz and orange juice. Nate had found her the moment she stepped in. She was wearing a navy blue shift dress with a dull gold headbands and pumps; she let her crimson lips curl into a pouting smile as she saw him though she felt reviled at the very sight of him. He had a bouquet of white roses and as he kissed her on the cheek he whispered a little line about being sorry in her ear, she smiled at told him it was okay and Nate's parents and her father smiled and exchanged looks that clearly said "Chaste love, innocent love, adorable." Eleanor regarded Nate coldly and shrewdly and only did not touch him when she kissed him on the cheek. Her smile was strained and her eyes were sharp on him. No-one noticed except Blair who felt a sudden rush of affection for her mother.

A model took the flowers to put them in water (Blair wanted to stick their heads in the garbage disposal unit a la Kirsten Cohen, even a high-society bitch could enjoy the OC). Nate led Blair over to the table where their friends sat. Blair felt smug seeing that she looked the best out of all of them, everyone else looked clearly worse for the wear, apart from Chuck who looked just like normal, but that was probably because he was constantly high or drunk or both.

Serena definitely looked the worst though, her eyes were bloodshot and her hair was limp and just washed. Her nose was slightly red around the nostrils, like she had a bad cold and on her neck a bruise shone through her concealer.

"Hey S," she sat down next to her.

Serena turned to her, and Blair was shocked to see that she looked genuinely upset, "Can we go somewhere?"

They got up; Chuck slipped his key to the Bass suite into her palm as she passed.

"Thanks Bass."

"I expect repayment in full."

Ugh. Once they reached the penthouse, Serena sat down and put her head in her hands.

Blair came and put her arm round her, then she remembered how Serena had glanced at her the night before and laughed, she wondered what Georgina had said to her. Her arm felt dirty on her.

"What's up S?"

"She's marrying Claus!"

Blair was confused, "Again? I though he was in "mandatory rehabilitation"."

Serena shook her head, exacerbated, "No, she's found another one, this one's name starts with a C, or maybe a K, and the old one started with a C, I can't remember."

"You mom does work fast, what's he like?" Blair was stroking Serena's hair; she wanted to yank it out of her head.

"Horrible! Sleazy! He tried to put his hands down my pants on Bastille Day!"

Blair's nose wrinkled, Lily had terrible taste in men, and holiday destinations. Why go to Monaco for Bastille when you could go to Paris?

"What am I going to do B?" she wailed.

Blair looked up nervously, "What abut last night?"

Serena whipped round sharply so that Blair and her were facing, "_What about last night?_"

"Well, it's just that I didn't know you were into that kind of thing."

Serena's face softened as she looked at Blair, "Oh, I don't know, I don't think I am. It's just you know what I'm like with Georgie, and I do always have a good time, I don't know, maybe make too big a deal about these things. I feel fine. When did you leave anyway?"

Blair studied Serena's face, "About half one, after Nate and that skank . . ." she trailed off, Serena put her hands around Blair's.

"So S, how did you get that bruise?" She giggled.

Serena hit Blair on the arm and giggle, "Just know I had a goooood time last night."

"Okay S," and with that the two girls headed back downstairs. It wasn't until Blair talked to Kati about the night before that she heard the rumours, that Serena had gone back to Carters' place with Georgina, and that they had all stayed the night.

-----

There was so much food on her plate, she didn't want to eat any of it, lobster and salmon and asparagus and strawberries. She pushed her plate away untouched. Nate was eating roast beef and horseradish at an incredible pace; it made her feel a little sick to watch him, Serena was picking at some kind of goats cheese soufflé, an elbow resting on the table (Eleanor would've had a heart attack), Chuck wasn't eating, he didn't seem to eat much at all, but Blair was pretty sure he must've polished off at least a bottle of White & MacKays' scotch. Chuck had ludicrously expensive taste, but then again, so did Blair, so who was she to judge?

She saw her father leave the room out of the corner of her eye with a tall, slim man with a dark tan and eyes. He was not just a man, he was a god, an Adonis, he was almost as good as Nate. Blair wondered briefly who the man was, most of her fathers clients were old and rich, not young and sexy. Her eyes travelled to her mother, who was talking to Nate's mother. Blair liked Nate's mom, but she did make her feel uncomfortable, she was so perfect, Serena said she was straight out of Stepford, but Blair aspired to that level of perfection. She could not bear the thought of ending up like Lily, someone who people whispered behind their hands about and who remarried as easily as she bought a new pair of Loubourtin's.

There were speeches, Blair used them to practise her high society clap, neck erect, hands slapping lightly together briefly before she placed them back in her lap.

Serena leaned over, "You look like you're on haemorrhoids."

Blair clapped a little more casually after that.

-----

Blair and her mother were silent during the car ride back. When they arrived at the house, Eleanor asked Dorota to fetch her a gin and tonic, stat.

"Where's Daddy?"

Eleanor took a long drag on her cigarette and took the drink from Dorota with shaking hands. After a large gulp she waved her hand dismissively, "God knows," then she mutter something about a Roman in a French accent, though none of this made any sense whatsoever to Blair.

"Mom, have you thought at all about what I said last night?"

Eleanor regarded her and for a moment her face softened, "My darling Blair," and they both sat down at ends of the chaise longue, "You are only fifteen years old," she placed her hand on Blair's chin and regarded her face, "You are just beginning to learn how things are between men and women, I wish you didn't have to ever learn this." She looked devastatingly sad and was silent for a moment, "Where you are going now, what you will learn, I cannot stand beside you. My daughter, you must never forget what can be gained through turning a blind eye." A moment of silence. "Now go and fix your hair, your curls are dropping."

Blair was so stunned she blithely went and curled her hair and fixed it with hairspray.

Sometimes she thought she had imagined these few minutes with her mother, it certainly had been out of character for Eleanor and her mother never mentioned the incident, or tried to advise Blair ever again.


	3. Chapter 3

**First off, thanks to everyone who's either favourited or put on alert me or the story but . . . Reviews! I've had a lot of people putting this story onto story alert or their favourites list, but what I've not had a lot of is reviews! So if you've got a moment I'd really appreciate it if anyone could put their thoughts, like, dislikes or whatever down in a review. If you've got any questions feel free to message me! I love reviews, they're really motivational! Once again thanks to anyone who's read the story and favourited, reviewed or put it on alert. Hope you enjoy the next instalment, it's not my favourite but . . . I'll let you be the judge!**

Blair had been trying to write her Camus essay for French for an hour and a half when Serena called. Blair was surprised, mainly because it was a Sunday and Serena hadn't turned up for coffee, croissants and Audrey. Blair had assumed she was either too hungover or still drunk. One of the two. So when Serena called and told Blair that she had like, totally the most excited news ever and to meet her at the address she texted her, Blair was too surprised to protest.

The address turned out to be Serena's old modelling agency and Nate was there too, but struck Blair as strange. Serena said she had texted him too so that Blair had someone to wait around with, though Blair still didn't know exactly why she'd be waiting around so much.

They were sitting in the waiting room of the agency when Serena decided to spill, "So I was out with Georgie last week at the Oak Room, and we ran into this guy and he said he was from Oscar de la Renta and that I should give him my number." She giggled. "So I did, but I thought he was just doing it to get my number y'know? Turns out he really _was _from Oscar de la Renta. So my agency called me in to take some new shots!"

Nate found words first and when he spoke his voice was genuine and interested, Blair realised she hadn't heard him speak like this for a while, "That's so great Serena." He told her and looked at her intently, she looked back and they both giggled. Ironically Blair felt like a total gooseberry.

She cleared her throat loudly, "Yes. Totally Amazing. So we're here for the test shots?"

Serena tore her eyes away from Nate and onto Blair who was leant across to her and blinking rapidly.

"Moral support!" and she grabbed both their hands across the coffee table and squealed excitedly.

Serena went off into a monologue about how she never felt like school was "her kind of thing" and modelling was just such a "lifestyle." All that Blair could think about was how fashion week was coming up and that if Serena became a model she would be completely and utterly miserable. Which was self-absorbed she knew, but how are you supposed to do when you're best friend is tall and skinny and blonde and beautiful and - Blair looked across with wide eyes – flirting with your boyfriend!

Thankfully Serena's name was called and she went into a meeting so Nate and Blair were left alone. Blair felt panic take over. Serena would never . . . she couldn't . . . but niggles of doubt were in Blair. Of course she'd seen how Serena and Nate looked at each other but the episode with Ashlee had shaken her confidence. She didn't want to take any chances.

She took the only option left open to her, after glancing nervously to see that Serena wasn't watching, she turned to Nate and switched her eyes _on_.

Her voice went much lower and slower, "The apartment's empty." She told him.

"W-what?"

"My dad's with a client, my mom's in overdrive for fashion week and Dorota got the weekend off."

Nate's demeanour changes completely, "D'you, uh, wanna go over there, um, now?"

"Yes." She told him decisively.

Just before Nate stepped outside, "What about Serena? Should we . . . ?"

"No. She's busy right now, I'll text her later."

-----

By the time they made it up to Blair's bedroom, Nate's shirt was off and Blair's skirt was around her ankles. They fell onto the bed and Blair reached across to her bedside cabinet for a condom.

She had resigned herself to the inevitable, Serena and Nate were going to sleep together, but she'd be damned if she was going to let Serena sleep with him first.

Nate stopped kissing her. "Blair? What're you doing?"

"Condom." She told him with an increasing sense of dread. Then, oh god, she could feel him losing interest down there as his eyebrows knitted. She arched her back up into him and tried her best to switch her eyes _on_ again but he was tensing up.

"Don't you want to . . .?"

His eyes widened and he rolled off of her. "Yeah, totally of course, it's just that . . ."

"Because I want to," her voice was getting shriller now, he wanted Serena, she knew he did, "And _I_ love_you_, don't you know that? So I just thought that you would want to too!" She finished lamely.

He seemed to search about for a minute, and then as if he'd just had a flash of inspiration he rolled onto _his_ side and looked deep in her eyes and said, "I just want it to be _special._"

Okay. Now he was just lying. He'd tried to convince her to have sex with him lots of times when it could have been considered anything but special and now that she wanted it with him, he wanted it with Serena.

"Isn't that meant to be my line?" she sat up and hiked her skirt over her hips again; she started setting about fixing her hair and lipstick again.

"Aw, come on Blair don't be like that."

"Like what Nate?" She whipped round to face him and he shrank back.

She picked up her phone, "What're you doing?" He got up and picked his shirt up.

"Texting Serena." And his eyes lit up.

-----

That night, Blair and Serena were watching Breakfast at Tiffany's, making up for the missed session that morning.

Blair tossed a grape into her open mouth, "Why did you invite Nate this morning?"

Serena froze her hand midway through untangling a strand of golden hair.

"I thought you guys seemed a little weird so I though you could do with spending some time together." Serena was looking at Blair nervously; Blair was looking at the TV so hard she was surprised she wasn't burning a hole through the screen.

Blair didn't answer so Serena spoke again, "Is everything okay with you guys?"

"Totally."

-----

Blair had a dream that night where she was Elisabeth Bennet and her Mr Darcy strode across the moor to tell her he loved her. But when he said it, she knew he was lying and he smirked when she asked him to tell her and look her in the eye and when they kissed she saw the scene from outside her body and she saw Elizabeth's hair grow long and blonde and her body lengthen and thin out until it wasn't her Mr Darcy was kissing at all.

She couldn't get back to sleep after that, so she went downstairs to eat something. Maybe. Dorota had left her some raspberries in the fridge, so she sat down at the kitchen counter to eat them. She could hear her parents talking in her father's study but that didn't bother her, they often talked late into the night there, about what, Blair had no idea whatsoever.

She was halfway through the bowl when the voices started to get louder. They were arguing in French on the off chance she could hear and was listening. Her parents never looked at her report card closely enough to realise that Blair was practically fluent in French.

A pot smashed against the plush carpet, Blair heard "partir de l'armoir" screamed by her mother hysterically. "Leave the wardrobe?" What the fuck?

Then. . .

Oh my god . . .

N o.

Her mothers French was terrible, though her German and Italian were perfect, that was probably the only way she could come up with saying that. Coming out of the closet. Her father, Harold Waldorf, who took her to Yale sporting events and drank Bourbon with associates in the drawing room couldn't possibly be . . . gay?

She could hear her father now, he was shouting and her mother was becoming inconsolable, Blair could no longer understand what she was saying.

"Tu es en train ridiculeuse, il ne m'importe pas, rien ne va changer!"

Blair quickly translated, her mother was being ridiculous, he (whoever _he_ was) didn't mean anything to him, nothing would change.

Her mother had slipped back into English. "You lied to me!" And with that her father stormed out of the study, and into the kitchen. He froze, his eyes wide with shock, they could still hear Eleanor crying and through the open door, Blair could see her mother collapsed on the floor by the door, rocking as she covered her face with one hand.

She wanted to let him know she knew, "Ce que tu as fait?" What have you done? He brought his hand up to his mouth and almost ran to the door.

-----

The next morning her parents sat her down in the study, (the broken plant pot was gone now, the only sign of last nights events was her mothers red eyes.)

"Well, Blair-bear, we wanted to talk to you about last nights little misunderstanding." Her father told her. Blair was incredulous, she looked from her father to her mother who tried to smile but just came across looking like she was about to cry. She probably was.

Her mother gathered herself, "You see, your father tells me that you thought you overheard something, but you really didn't dear. There's nothing to worry about, your father and I love each other very much." She put her hand on the table and her father covered it with his, Blair thought she saw her wince and she felt like she was going to be sick.

"So you should go pick Serena up now, you can have the car, my treat." Her father told her.

Blair now saw what her mother had meant by turning a blind eye, but she had no idea what her mother was gaining.


	4. Chapter 4

**Okay, a different kind of chapter here, I hope you guys enjoy it though. I'd like to thank all my lovely reviewers (Ponisetta, Lena Belle, PaperCranesandLove and DewontheSunflower) you're reviews were really good and helped spur me on! In response to some of your points. Yes, there will be more CB :D, I don't just wanna throw it in all the time though, I want it to feel natural, but I do love writing them 'cause there's just so many possibilities with a couple with this much chemistry! And Eleanor, yeah I know, she's a bit diferrent to on the show, but I always thought there was abit more to Eleanor than what we saw and that the whole Roman debacle must've changed her a lot, especially after I saw the Season1 Thanksgiving flashbacks.**

**Hope you enjoy this'un! xxx**

The first day back to school. Despite the previous night's events, Blair had taken special care with her appearance this morning. Her dark brown was meticulously curled, her lips lined with red, and her school uniform, well, let's just say that the girls at Constance couldn't exactly compete with someone whose mother was a fashion designer could they?

But as usual, Serena had got one up on Blair. They were gathered on the steps of the Met, Blair and Serena perched on some steps just below the middle eating frozen yoghurt as delicately a humanly possible. They both faced Orelia, who, it had been unanimously decided at the end of last year would occupy the top spot.

Blair might have liked Orelia, they had everything in common and their minds worked in exactly the same way if it hadn't been for how she treated Serena. Orelia had been doubtful about Serena and frankly, Blair could see why. Serena was constantly on Gossip Girl, and unlike the rest of them, who felt a strange mix of hate and love towards Gossip Girl and were perfectly open about their feelings, Serena pretended to hate her, but everyone _knew _she loved her.

I mean, if you're going to go on the pill at fifteen, be discreet, don't talk about it loudly while glancing over your shoulder the entire time.

Orelia often said disparaging things about Serena around Blair (attention-whore, gossip whore, whore) that Blair had to be careful not to let slip to Serena.

But today Orelia was acting differently around Serena, as sugary-smiles and bright, conniving eyes.

"I heard that rumour about you and the de la Renta show, is it true, S?""  
Serena seemed surprised at Orelia using her abbreviated name but she still responded quickly.

"Yeah, I mean, yes, I guess so. I don't know I haven't heard from his people yet, I think they're waiting to see me walk, but Damian says they're almost full so I shouldn't . . ."

Orelia's expression changed completely, she leaned back and everyone knew she was done with _that_ now thank-you very much, "Let me know how that works out for you sweetie."

Serena's face fell.

She whipped round to Blair, "So B, next Thursday night, you mother show . . . ?"

"Front row seats? Done and done."

The two girls smirked at each other, Leah jumped in, "So Ori . . ." she started.

Orelia turned round, her eyes alight, "What did you call me?"

Leah blushed; even Blair felt a bit of compassion, "Ori, it's just that my godfather said he might be able to get us seats for his show."

Orelia raised one perfectly shaped eyebrow, "You godfather? Somewhere at about fifth row I imagine, that is if he even remembers to reserve them for us, unless they give classes in event planning in rehab. I'd rather have back row at Eleanor Waldorf than backstage at Marc Jacobs with all his grunge wannabees. And for future reference, only my friends call me Ori." She said all this smiling perfectly, "Let me know if he comes up with something other than plaid this year, k sweetie?"

Poor Leah had no option but to nod meekly and take another spoonful of frozen yoghurt, but even this didn't get her away from Orelia's wrath. She turned back to Leah.

"Probably best to lay off the yoghurt for a little while, k sweetie, that skirts looking a little . . ." She trailed off, her eyes resting on Leah's size 2 hips. No-one said anything. Leah placed the tiny tub on the step next to her. Blair felt the urge to run to the bathroom feeling her own thighs through her skirt.

"So, what are we doing tonight ladies?"

Ashlee piped up, "Drinks at Socialista?"

Blair had to hold back a smirk as Orelia rolled her eyes, "Try Republicanista, they've got a serious poll up their ass about under age drinking after that raid last month" Her eyes settled on Serena, who was staring into her yoghurt pot, "Why I doubt even S could get in, even with all her _talents_."

Blair saw red, she hated it when Orelia picked on Serena, she made Serena so . . . submissive, so utterly un-Serena-ish.

Blair remembered something suddenly, "Y'know, _dearest _Serena introduced me to a new place last week, just opened, it's fabulous, called _Butter_, have you been?" She blinked a few times and kept her eyes doe-eyed and wide.

Orelia regarded her closely, "I wouldn't normally go somewhere S recommended after that debacle with that coke-head Georgina, but if _you _think it's clean Blair . . ." she paused and Blair nodded vigorously, "text me the address and be there for eight, let's go."

She got up and strode back towards Constance, the little line of girls followed like ducklings in their coloured coats, Serena hooked her pinkie through Blair's and looked at her with a look so pathetic in her eyes Blair would have given her a hug if Orelia hadn't been watching.

"Thank-you." She whispered.

-----

When she left class for lunch, Nate was waiting for her with the Godiva Gold Collection, Blair's heart skipped; maybe things were going to be alright after all. Maybe she had been being paranoid about Nate and Serena and her parents, she pushed that final thought from her mind, that could wait until later.

He handed her the chocolates with such a sweet little smile she wanted to plant kisses all over his face.

"You've got a study period next right?" He asked her.

"Yeah . . ."

"I got us reservations at that sushi place you like."

She smiled, "Let's go then."

At the restaurant, he pulled her chair out for her and ordered for her and stood up when she went to "powder her nose" and was generally perfect. In the ladies room mirror she regarded her reflection closely, pulling a taught flap of skin even tighter on her jaw. She could see the bottom of the toilet under the cubicle door, her hand drifted down to her stomach. She turned around to the toilet and took a deep breath and a step forward.

Just as she did so, the door burst open and a pair of old women came in, Blair smiled at them with her lips closed and rushed out to Nate again.

They talked over sushi and it was perfect. It was the only word that Blair could use to describe the entire thing. Perfect. They were laughing about their weird chemistry teach, Mr Pieser when Nate reached across the table and took her hand in his, gripping it tight, Blair gripped back and felt like crying she was so happy.

"We should get back to school, I have him sixth period."

She just smiled and got up.

They held hands all the way back to school.

-----

Nanette Lapoor dress, an Eleanor Waldorf cape, Manolos and her usual Falke tights, Blair was ready to go out. She was nervous, if _Butter _bombed, she would go down immeasurably in Orelia's stakes and there would be nothing she could do to protect Serena. Her earlier stunt seemed foolish, she had made _Butter_ the game and betted both herself and Serena on it. If tonight sucked, she was screwed.

When Serena's car came she felt like throwing up, Serena was nervous too, she told Blair she wasn't drinking tonight and normally Blair would've though "Yeah. Right." But looking at Serena now she saw that her best friend had realised what she had known for some time now. She only had a few lives left at Constance.

Blair breathed a sigh of relief, _Butter _was jumping, so jumping it took her three hundred dollar bills to get all her girls in. The maitre d' smirked at her. They had an understanding.

By the time Orelia arrived, Blair was on her third gin martini (she had sworn herself off vodka) and was feeling jittery.

She took another sip, "Could you stop that?" Serena hissed who was getting irritable. Orelia was totally ignoring her.

Orelia turned to Blair, her eyebrows knitted. "I missed you at lunch today."

Blair blushed, "I was with Nate."

Orelia smiled approvingly and leaned in closer, "Talk to Auntie Ori, you two have been together for, like, ever" she rolled her eyes, Blair could smell multiple Cosmo's on her breath, "how far have things gone with you two?"

Blair leant back a bit, panic bit at her, "far enough," she stuttered out.

Orelia chuckled cynically, "Better lock it down B," she raised her voice loud enough for Serena, "Before S gets there first."

Serena turned around at her name and guessed what Orelia had said from the look on Blair's face.

She leant in, "Blair, I need to pee."

Blair took a sip of Martini, "You've barely drunk a coke."

"Come with me," she pleaded with her eyes, "please?"

In the empty marble bathroom, Blair rearranged her curls in the mirror, Serena stood behind her.

"I thought you needed to pee." She met her eyes in the mirror.

"Blair, you know I would never . . ." she took a deep breath, "You and Nate are perfect, and I would never do anything . . ."

Blair looked in her eyes and believed her.

"I know."

The girls went back through to the table. Orelia was flirting with some investment banker who was crouched by their booth, his hand on her inner thigh. The two girls stopped a few feet away; the music was so loud now no-one could have heard what they said.

Blair leant back into Serena and turned her head, "And she calls you a slut." The two girls laughed until they snorted and rushed, giggling to the dance floor.

They had only been dancing for a few minutes when a guy came over and asked Serena if he could buy her a drink, trying his best to ignore Blair. Serena looked from him to Blair and said "I'm with my girlfriend tonight." And put her arm around Blair, the guy took it the wrong way and looked shock and the girls had to stumble to the bathroom they were laughing so hard.

Perched on the sink ledge, still laughing out loud occasionally, Serena turned to Blair.

"I love you B."

Blair turned to her, "I love you too S."

**Because things had to go Blair's way for once, right?**

**Reviewers are loved!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Thanks once again to everyone who's reviewed**, **if you've got any questions, just PM me or put it in a review. Thanks to everyone who's reviewed! Enjoy!**

If Blair could pick one week when she loved New York the most, it would be this week – fall fashion week. She smiled over her Starbucks coffee lid and blew delicately into the cup before staking a sip of bone-dry cappuccino. And why? Because this was the week when every other girl's achievements and connections were forgotten. This week she reigned supreme; even Orelia wouldn't mess with her in forfeit of those golden front-row seats.

Blair's greedy little pink tongue flitted out of her mouth just long enough for her to get a _taste_ of life next year, just a taste of life as queen.

The weather was crisp and autumnal, Blair's favourite weather. It was an excuse to wear lots of layers of fabulous clothes, but there was no rain or snow or wind to muss up her clothes or shoes or hair. This past week had been perfect, _perfect_. And Blair was holding out hope that this one would be the same.

She had pulled off the stunt with _Butter_ incredibly, and Blair was seating a few steps higher, at Orelia's left hand side while Leah sat dejectedly where Blair once had, looking glumly into pots of fat-free foods she wouldn't eat. The other upside of Blair's rising star was that life for Serena within the group was now comfortable, if she didn't mess it up.

And her situation with Nate. Now_ that_ was more than comfortable. Things were looking up for them, they'd eaten out together every day of the last week, and from the way things had been going, Blair was sure she'd "lock it down" pretty soon.

By the time she reached school, Blair was in a fantastic mood, a rare occurrence this early.

That is, until she reached the group. Something was different, they were crowded round someone, twittering loudly, Blair fought her way to the centre of the group where Serena stood with Orelia's arm around her, as Orelia flipped through what looked like test shots.

"Oh my god S, this is going to be so amazing!"

"I know, right?" And the two girls squealed.

_You filthy . . ._ Blair cut herself off, how could Serena be acting like she and Orelia were best friends after how Orelia had treated her? This was ridiculous.

Serena spotted Blair and ran over to her and pulled her into a bear hug that nearly knocked Blair over. She pulled back and grabbed Blair's shoulders, shaking her a little in her excitement. Blair felt a little disorientated.

"B! B! Oh my god B! I got the job!" She squealed again, then Blair saw her eyes flicker over to the watching crowd before shouting louder still, "I'm going to walk in the Oscar de la Renta fashion show!"

------

Blair had a study period, she also had an essay due on the 1905 revolution for world history but she couldn't face it. Her good mood had evaporated almost as quickly Orelia's distaste for Serena and she was back where she had started the morning – Starbucks, with a triple-chocolate muffin, a bag of salted crisps and a full-fat caramel latte. Bye-bye binge free week.

She was as far as possible from Constance, which wasn't far considering it was only one study period, only five blocks, but she was still in the back of the café, wearing a scarf over her head and sitting with her hand hiding most of her face. Her Constance neck tie was gone, just to be safe.

All morning she had heard nothing but Serena, her name was constantly being whispered through the halls like some kind of sick mantra and Gossip Girl had already put out five – oh wait no, make that six – blasts speculating on whether or not it was a hoax. Blair switched her phone off. God, it was Monday, the Oscar de la Renta show was Thursday, she had – wait – 79 hours of this left to endure, which meant that at Gossip Girls current rate of postage she would have sent out – wait again – roughly 82 blasts about Serena's budding modelling career. Blair had a pop quiz in math next period, and she was counting this as revision.

Oh. Dear. Lord. No.

Was that?

No.

A black limo had just pulled up outside the Starbucks; Blair gathered her stuff and ran for the bathroom. Shit! Someone was already in there. She banged on the door a bit.

"Excuse me, lady!" The barista shouted, "It's outta order, I told you when you got your coffee."

Blair tried to smile apologetically but it might have come out like she was trying to kill him with laser vision.

If she went outside, Chuck would see her for sure, her best option was just to sit and pray that he didn't see her. She grabbed a newspaper off the rack; thank goodness it was a broadsheet and opened up full so that she couldn't be seen.

She could hear him ordering, hot chocolate with a shot of hazelnut and a berry crumble muffin. Blair didn't want to hear this! She didn't want to think about Chuck Bass eating, because if he ate that must have meant that he was human and Blair didn't want Chuck Bass to turn out to be human on the off chance that she happened to like him.

She could hear his brogues slapping on the floor, they were getting quieter, she thought he was leaving until he tapped the top of her newspaper.

"Room for one more?" He raised an eyebrow and kept his eyes fixed on the tiny scrap of under vest visible from his current angle. She folded the newspaper up roughly.

"It's rude to interrupt Bass, how did you know it was me anyway?"

He glanced at her feet, "How many girls in the city pair green shoes with red tights?"

She glanced down to her feet, forest green Loubourtin pumps with patent straps and red Falke stockings. He was right; the downside of having great style is that you're instantly recognisable.

His eyes fixed on the food in front of her, "Trying out for the football team Waldorf?"

"You should already be on it, you smell like a jock strap." It wasn't strictly true, unless the jock strap had been stuffed with pot.

He raised his eyebrow further, "I had _come _to expect more from you Waldorf."

He was right, it was a terrible comeback, she rolled her eyes and took a rebellious bit of her muffin. "What are you even doing here? I wasn't aware of any rophynol dealers nearby."

He chuckled, "That's more like it." He paused. "I was peckish."

It was her turn to raise an eyebrow, "We just had lunch hour."  
"Didn't stop you," she glanced down at her food and kept going with her calculations, 200 + 350 + how many calories are there in a caramel latte, she gave up and decided to purge later to be on the safe side, Chuck was still talking, "besides I was busy at lunch break."

And lean back in his chair contentedly, Blair wrinkled her nose, I don't want to know.

"It's a great story, maybe we can act it out sometime" and he laughed in her face.

He turned to the barista and pointed to what was on the table then to what the barista was making, "To go."

"I wasn't planning on leaving."  
"Were you planning on missing your next class?" He showed her his wrist watch and her eyes widened, "We'll take the limo."

-----

The pop quiz was easier than she had expected, whatever, she was already acing everything. She did the history essay the minute she got home so that she could get ready for dinner with Nate. He was taking her out to a new Italian place she loved just above midtown. She dressed immaculately. She was never sure, tonight could just be _the night_, after all the Captain and Nate's mom were out of town and both her parents were working late. Situation normal.

He sent a car but wasn't in it, but Blair didn't mind. The entire way there she smiled to herself and the driver of the car couldn't help but smile at how excited she was. She felt so grown up, going on a "date" with her boyfriend of several years

_Kill me now_,she though, _and I'd die happy._

Blair got there before Nate, she was staring to get anxious now, this only intensified when she saw the table. It was set for four.

"Excuse me; I think there's been a mistake."

The maitre d' checked her book, "I don't believe there had ma'am, let me check." And she picked up the phone.

At that moment Nate came in. Blair's heart melted then re-solidified into stone when she saw who he was with; Serena and Chuck.

He leant down and kissed her on the cheek, "Hey Blair, I thought we'd take S out to celebrate, and Chuck was free too so . . ."

Serena giggled and glanced to Nate, their eyes met and locked.

"What a," Blair searched for something, "kind thought."

They all sat down. Serena ordered flamboyantly in Italian for them while flirting with the waiter and Chuck declined to eat, choosing to sit and sip scotch instead.

She leant over a muttered, "Got a muffin stuffed away in you limo?" while Serena and Nate were laughing. She instantly regretted it.

He had to hide a smile in his scotch, swallowing, "You have no idea."

The meal took on a certain pattern, Nate and Serena babbled, Chuck sipped Scotch and Blair attacked her food with the ferocity of a gang of coyotes.

At the end of the evening, Serena hugged Blair, waved to Chuck ad kissed Nate's cheek. "I had fun guys." And she got into her car and was driven away.

"8.15?" Chuck asked.

"Make it 30."  
Nate and Blair got into their car, Blair glanced out the window and saw Chuck on the pavement, staring after their car.

------

Nate lay with his head on Blair's bare stomach, breathing deeply. Honestly, Blair had never understood why he liked to do this so much, but she went with it, mainly because it meant she got to stroke his hair. Sometimes she closed her eyes and imagine that it was ten years later and they were married and she was pregnant and he was resting his head on her stomach to be close to their unborn child, but then she opened her eyes again and she could see Nate's school blazer thrown across his study chair and all the goofy pictures of them and Serena and Chuck on his mirror and she was transported back to here and now.

"Nate?"

"Yeah."  
"I love you."

He kissed her stomach and was silent before crawling up to kiss her. Her fingers slid down to unbutton his shirt, he unzipped her skirt at the side and she pulled her top over her head while he shrugged off his shirt.

They kissed again, more deeply than before and she pulled his face away with her hands so that she could look into his eyes.

He kissed his way down her neck and her stomach towards . . . oh shit. So much for "locking it down" tonight.

-----

Blair had the day off. Her mother had insisted to the school that she take a "personal day." Blair didn't care if it meant she got to hand around backstage and use the stage make-up to hide her love bites and avoid hearing one more word about Serena van der Woodsen.

Said Serena arrived at about five and they went to get ready for the show together. It was their tradition, that they watched from backstage and wore Eleanor Waldorf originals and snuck champagne.

They were doing their make-up together. "So did you stay at Nate's last night?"

"Yeah."

Serena nudged her and the two girls giggled, "Anything happen?"

"He went down on me, I returned the favour." Blair sighed.

Serena laughed, "Bad girl," she saw Blair's face, "Is something wrong? Did he say something?"

"No, it's just," she sighed and looked over to Serena who was watching her with puppy-dog, tell-me-everything eyes, she lowered her voice though they were alone, "does he not _want _to . . . you know."

Blair was perfectly open with Serena about what she and Nate _did,_ it was what they _didn't do_ that she was embarrassed about.

"Look B, Nate's a sweet guy, I'm sure he just wants it to be special."

Blair gave Serena a withering look, "It's not like it'll be his first time."

Serena clasped her hand, "Nate _loves _you."

"Whatever, let's go, we're late."

-----

Blair could see Orelia and the two girls she had chosen filing into their places, she smiled to herself quietly, the show began and Serena clasped her hand the entire time.

It was a total success and Blair was so proud of her mom her chest hurt. The girls came backstage after to see Blair and Serena. Serena changed completely the moment they came in, it was all Oscar-de-la-Renta-this and by-next-fashion-week-that. Blair was tempted to throw something at her.

You see, Blair loved Serena, she really did, but sometimes, sometimes she wished it was just the two of them.


	6. Chapter 6

Blair was amazed, she had made it through to Thursday without physically attacking Serena. Blair felt a strange sense of pride.

Blair was eating lunch with Serena and Georgina. Her friendship with Serena was deep and long-running and loyalty to her was the only reason she chose to be within 5 feet of the Sparks girl for more than 5 minutes.

Serena was gushing; "Oscar says my walk is as good as girls in Milan with years of training."

"Oh my god, that's just so mind-blowing S!" Georgina was laying the sarcasm on heavily and if it were anyone else Blair would've been laughing behind her napkin but frankly, she wanted to stab Georgina in the eye with her fish fork. Serena, in her altered state hadn't picked up on the sarcasm. "I've honestly never heard anything quite so amazing in all my fifteen years of life." As Serena looked to Blair, Georgina rolled her eyes heavily and took a cynical glug of her Martini.

"B, Oscar's letting me have one friend backstage, will you come and be with me?"

Blair was knocked of balance by the entire thing, Georgina had totally frozen, her kohl-lined eyes flicking from Serena's golden blonde head to Blair's stunned face.

"Umm, sure, but how come he's letting you . . . ?"

"My mom and Claus gave him a check for anything extra he might need so he's letting me have a friend!" She squealed.

A slight smile crept onto Georgina's face, "I thought designer's were meant to pay models to walk for them."

Serena turned back to Georgina, "What do you mean G?"

Georgina sat back, "As opposed to the model's parents paying so that the designers let her walk."

"No, no, Georgie, it's not like that, really, it's not, my mom just . . ."

Georgina raised and eyebrow to silence her. Serena's face fell.

Georgina sat forward again, "Now, what you need to do if you want to rove to everyone you've not just paid your way in is totally kill it."

Serena's eyebrows knitted, "But I'm not a professional, I can't be better than all those other girls, I'm barely in their league as it is!"

Blair had to raise an eyebrow now, what happened to all those girls in Milan, huh?

Georgina ruffled her hair, "Luckily for you S, I've got the answer, come with me after school and we'll sort it out then."  
"What is it?" Serena looked doubtful.

Blair felt uneasy about all this, she didn't particularly want to know what Georgina's answer might be.

"We'll sort it all out tonight."  
"I'm not sure . . ."

"Do you want to be trotted out like some show pony?"

Serena's face hardened, "No. We'll do it tonight then, I need a pee."

Serena got up and left. Georgina and Blair's eyes met and they stayed smiling until Serena was out of sight, Georgina tried to sight back but Blair grabbed her wrist so violently she scared herself and pulled Georgina back.

"If you do anything to mess with S, I will destroy you."

"Are we done here then?"

-----

Blair arrived at the show with Serena early, she helped her get ready but Serena seemed twitchy the entire time and Blair felt an impending sense of doom when Serena refused to tell her what Georgina's "answer" really was.

The stylist's put Serena in the finale dress, a long navy blue Grecian affair, and they plaited and knotted her hair elaborately on top of her head and her stage make-up only served to highlight how edgy she looked.

"Needing a fix, honey?" The make-up artist asked her.

Serena's froze, "What do you mean?"

"You look edgy! And he handed her a glass of champagne."

"Oh. Thanks." And she downed it in a gulp.

Blair felt like she needed to step in, "Take it easy S, you're gonna be great."

Serena looked up at her, her eyes full of doubt, "How?"

"I just know."

Serena whispered to her, "If I mess this up, I'm screwed B, I'm really screwed."

"Just don't o whatever Georgina told you to, she scares me S."

Serena bit her lip.

-----

An hour later, Blair couldn't find Serena anywhere, "Where is she?"

A stylist told her she' gone to the bathroom, she'd just come out when Blair saw her, she was in her first dress and she looked so pretty Blair wanted to cry

"Are you okay S?"

Serena smiled so big it was alarming. "I'm great B, thanks for talking to me earlier, I really needed you."

The show was starting, Serena got called up, Blair held her hand as she waited and waited to watch on the screen showing what was happening on the catwalk.

Blair couldn't deny it, Serena was amazing, her walk was graceful and elegant and beautiful but at the same time her feet and hips were working so fast and hard to propel her along. She looked like a goddess.

But backstage it was so rushed! Serena was in and out of dresses so fast Blair's head spun, she was used to being backstage at her mother's shows but this was on an entirely different plane.

But at about the third costume change, Blair noticed Serena starting to change, she started looking around nervously, her eyes fixing on the corners of the tent. She looked absolutely terrified but the stylists kept pushing her out and Blair could see her slowing and weakening with every step.

The stylists had to force her into the finale dress. Blair was so nervous she thought she was going to pee herself. The designer was besides himself with stress, the entire show was riding on this dress and the dress had been hyped beyond belief in the media.

She didn't seem able to move her legs properly as they walked her up to the staring point, and she was fighting with the stylist, trying to move back and away from the light. Blair rushed over and grabbed her shoulders (it was quite difficult, she was in 6 inch heels).

"S, what's wrong? S?"

Serena sat down on a table causing make-up, bobby pins and sewing kit to fly everywhere, including onto the dress, stylists immediately rushed forward to pick and brush it all off. Serena tried to push them off, whimpering now, her eyes wild.

"Hands, hands, get them off me!"

The designer's face froze, "Is she high?" he turned to Blair, "Is she?"

It all made perfect sense to Blair now, Georgina's "answer", Serena's incredible performance and now, this. Serena was now crying and tearing at he dress as the stylists tried desperately to stop her from damaging it.

"I don't know. Oh my god, I don't know."  
"It won't fit anyone else! I made it to her specifications!"

Serena went still for a moment and then, oh god, was sick into her lap.

The designer actually screamed.

-----

Lily and Claus were in the Bahamas, CeCe was in Monaco, Blair didn't know Aunt Carol's number in Miami and her Grandpa in Rhode Island wasn't available, according to his assistant. Lily had decided to stay in the Bahamas when Blair had said that the doctor said Serena would be fine.

So that left Blair, Nate and Chuck.

Nate was asleep, Blair had sat under his arm for a while but when he played with her hair in his sleep he kept reaching too long for each strand, like he thought the hair he was playing with was longer than it really was.

Chuck kept laughing at her when Nate repeatedly jabbed her in the boob and it was starting to hurt so she went and sat with Chuck and played cards with him.

They finished a game of spit and sat silent for a little while.

"How did she even get the drugs?"

"How does she ever?"

Chuck looked up, "Georgina?"

"Whore."

"You're telling me."

Blair looked at him quizzically.

"6th grade." And Blair remembered.

"We have to do something about her." Blair told him matter-of-factly.

"Do you have any suggestions?"

"You forget who you're talking to."

"How far do you want to go?"

Blair considered for a moment, she had a couple of plans, but she was afraid that some of them might cause more harm than good.

"Nothing too big, I just want her gone. For S."

The door opened, "Speak of the devil." Chuck muttered.  
Georgina stopped in the door upon seeing them, Nate stirred and woke up and reached for Blair before finding she was gone. He got his bearings and looked up to see Georgina, Blair hadn't got round to telling him exactly what had happened.

"Oh! Hey Georgina," he said brightly, Chuck gave him a withering look.

"Blair can I talk to you?"

A nurse stepped in behind Georgina, reading from a clipboard in a thick New Jersey accent, "Blair Waldorf and Georgina Sparks, Miss . . .uh . . .Serena van der Woodsen would like to see you in her room now."

Blair strode purposefully towards where Serena's room was, Georgina trotted after her, trying to keep up and explain, "Look, Blair, listen, just listen, okay? I, uh, I didn't know okay? Will you listen to me? 'Scuse me, look Blair!"

But they had reached the room, Serena lay in bed in her hospital gown her hair lay lank from product and spiked with bobby pins, her face was smeared with stage make-up but underneath she looked pale and gaunt and young.

"B?"

Blair rushed over and hugged her, half-lifting her body. Georgina dithered in the doorway, half-waving and opening closing her mouth like a goldfish.

"It's gonna be okay S. I love you." Blair was close to tears but they were already leaking out of Serena's navy blue eyes.

"I'm so sorry B, I love you too, thank you, I'm sorry."

Blair pressed the button to make her bed go up, helped her drink a sip of water, then set about taking all the pins out of her hair.

Serena looked over to the door nervously, "Hey Georgie."

Georgina's mouth opened, but behind Serena's back Blair gave her a look and shook her head, Georgina looked torn for a moment, then walked tentatively over, glancing from Serena to Blair then back again.

"Look, S, I really thought it would help you, I never knew they would be like that."

Serena was crying again, "I know, I believe you Georgie, I know you wouldn't try to hurt me."

Blair froze and her jaw just about hit the floor.

"I need make-up wipes." She said, then rushed back to the family room.

"Chuck. I know what we have to do."

------

Chuck and Nate were through with Serena now, but eventually she fell asleep.

"Nate honey?"

"Yeah."

"Could you go get up some coffee?"

Blair's eyes didn't leave Georgina, Nate looked a little nervous but a look from Chuck silenced him.

"Uh, okay."

Once he left, Blair and Chuck turned on Serena. Blair got up and closed the door, clicking the lock shut. Chuck started.

"So what did you put in it? Coke, obviously for the energy, some speed? Acid? MDMA? E? Something made her hallucinate.," Georgina opened her mouth but Chuck waved a hand in dismissal, "Doesn't matter, they're all illegal. You've got a DUI, no? And there was that debacle with the Somalian prince, the coke and the transvestite in March, wasn't there? If someone were to say, find a bag with the residue of what you gave Serena," And he pulled a clear plastic bad with a smaller on inside with tiny white crystals lining it out of his waistcoat pocket, "things wouldn't be looking good, would they Georgie?"

"How did you . . . ?"

Blair jumped in, "I tried to warn you Georgie, besides you didn't tell S to flush the bag, did you?" She paused, Georgina's eyes widened. "Tut tut, careless."

"But then again," Chuck pulled an envelope out of his pocket, "You haven't been to Dubai for a while have you G? You could do with a holiday after all the had work you've been putting in. And who knows? If you were to disappear for a few months, this little bag might just disappear."

Georgina's face hardened, she looked up to Blair. "You'd never tell the police, you don't want to cause any trouble for Serena."

Chuck looked up to Blair, "It's out of her hands now Georgie."

"You'd never tell the police," she told him, but she sounded less sure.

Chuck turned slowly back to her and leaned in so that his face was inches from hers, his breath upset a few strands of her hair. "Wouldn't I?"

Georgina seemed to struggle for a moment, then she snatched the envelope from Chuck and stormed out, forgetting the door was locked she had o struggle with the finicky lock for a moment before slamming it behind her.

Chuck turned back to Blair. Their eyes met. Blair felt the same joly she had at Iz's house party.

They burst out laughing.

-----

Blair was wandering throughout the hospital aimlessly, she kept smiling inappropriately and had to remind herself that she was surrounded by the sick and the dying. But it was hard to contain this kind of . . . feeling, she didn't even know what it was but it felt _so _good.

She felt her phone go off and her heart sank. A picture of Serena unconscious in her hospital gown was Gossip Girl's latest blast. But who?

Oh no.

Orelia.

Her grandfather was on the board of the hospital and there had been a small charity function in the conference area that night and Orelia had had to go, it was the only reason she hadn't been at the show too. She must've got wind of Serena being here and not been able to resist getting a scoop for Gossip Girl.

She felt like crying she was so angry, her best friend had been humiliated and there was nothing Blair could have done about it.

But wait.

There was.

A few days ago, Blair would never have had the courage to try this, but her take-down of Georgina had instilled courage in her.

Blair had once found something quite shocking out about Orelia.

Blair was the only one who knew about it and Orelia had always trusted that Blair would value her social status above a Gossip Girl scoop.

But all bets were off now.

Besides Blair wasn't going to send anything to Gossip Girl.


	7. Chapter 7

**I'm sorry this took so long . . . literally months but I've been REALLY busy so I'm sorry again, if I even have an readers left! :D**

Blair stomped back through the hospital to the family room, her high heels made a satisfying dull thud with every step she took. Nate was at on the sofa, looking confused, and staring at his cell, Chuck was turning his over and over in his hands, flicking it up into the air and down again, he stood up, then sat back down again when he saw Blair had come in. Nate looked up.

"Blair? Did you see this?"

Blair had to stop herself from rolling her eyes.

"Blair . . . did you do this?"

Chuck stopped flipping his phone, Nate stood, his eyes narrowed and his cell clutched in his hand. He walked over to Blair.

"Did you?"

"I can't believe you're even asking me that."

Nate looked shocked for a moment, "I guess I have my answer then." He tried to leave, but Blair stepped in front of him.

"Nate, Serena's my best friend, I didn't do this."

He let out a short, derisive laugh. "Blair I know you've always been jealous of Blair, but is this really the way to get back at her? You know, I always thought there might be more to you than those stupid girls you follow about, but you're just like them."

"Nate . . ." Chuck began.

"Don't Chuck" he snapped.

"Nate I swear I did not do this!"

Nate shook his head and tried to get past her again, Blair could feel hot, little tears forming in the corners of her eyes; she pulled her cell out and opened it.

"What now?! Are you gonna blog to Gossip Girl that Blair Waldorf and Nate Archibald are fighting about Serena van der Woodsen? Really?"

"Look Nate! Look at the photo! It's taken in the ER; the lino is different to the stuff in Serena's room! We never saw her in the ER, we came here together, how could I have got this photo."

Nate looked at the photo, his eyes widened a little, there were several moments of uncomfortable silence, and Blair stiffened. How quick he had been to believe she would do this, and with no prompting whatsoever, Blair glanced over to Chuck, frozen on the brown sofa, glancing between them, his expression half scared and half curious, like a kid watching its parents fight.

Nate looked up to Blair, "Blair . . . I am so . . ."

And Blair smacked him across the face.

------

The bruise on Nate's face was the practically ignored by gossip Girls over the following days, gradually footage of Serena's performance at the show and, eventually, even a grainy video of her spectacular meltdown surfaced. Serena came home two days after she went into hospital.

By "home" of course, Blair meant her house, Lily had another two weeks left in the Bahamas with Claus or Klaus and when Blair called in at Serena's apartment to pick up her stuff, the maid said that Eric had barely left his room for a week. If blood really was thicker than water, the van der Woodsens must have been on some serious blood thinning medication.

Nate and Chuck visited every day, Serena questioned Nate about his face and Chuck span an elaborate story about the Oak Room, an albino Kenyan on crack and a pair of platinum knuckle dusters, the entire thing was so convoluted Serena just nodded and smiled. Kati and Iz and Leah all came with a massive bouquet of flowers from Orelia and a trio of gifts for Serena.

Blair took a couple of "personal days" off from school, she told her parents that Serena's drink had been spiked and stayed home to watch endless re-runs of the Gilmore Girls with Serena. Conveniently this meant she could avoid being alone with Nate. They hadn't spoken since that night and frankly, Blair wasn't sure how to forgive him this time.

On the fourth day, she called Nate when Serena was in the shower.

"Hello?"

"Do you think you and Chuck could come babysit S for me?"

There was silence and scuffling on the other end of the line, "Nate's voice changed completely. "Blair? Hey, I'm so glad you called, I was wondering if we could . . ."

"Nate." She hardened her voice. "Could you and Chuck come and look after Serena while I go out for a little while."

"Umm, yeah, I mean sure, totally, anything, now?"

"No, two weeks this Saturday, about 4 o'clock. Yes now!"

-----

It felt good to be outside again. It felt good to be alone again. Being inside for so long, being cooped up for so long was unnatural for Blair and now she felt like she was getting herself back, like she was getting her control back.

She took a cab to Orelia's townhouse. It was bigger than she and Serena's apartments and Nate's house put together. Six storeys tall, with Ivy climbing the face of the house and gleaming windows, this was Blair's fantasy, her future, but the girl inside was her target.

She rung the bell, and Orelia's Mexican maid Josefina let her in, asking after Dorota.

Orelia's room was on the third floor, Blair knocked and waited before Orelia appeared, still in her Constance uniform. Her eyes narrowed and she smiled.

"B! We've missed you; it's been so dull without you."

Blair stepped over the threshold and into Orelia's room, her heels sunk into the plush carpet. She sat down at Orelia's desk, Gossip Girl's page was open and Serena's navy blue eyes stared out at Blair.

Orelia surveyed Blair coldly, she hadn't asked her in yet. Orelia placed a hand on her hip.

"What was it you wanted again sweetie?"

Blair didn't answer she looked intently at the computer screen, and scrolled down a few posts.

Orelia craned her neck to see, "How is S? I trust you got my flowers, sorry I couldn't come round in person, I had a family commitment."

Blair swivelled round in her chair and drew from the front pocket of her bag a pen drive.

"What's that?" In Orelia's eyes, Blair saw a flicker of comprehension, "What've you got there B?" Her voice was growing shriller.

Blair smiled, her lips closed and her eyes dark, "I think you know."

Suddenly Orelia snatched the pen drive from Blair and clenched her fist around it.

"Take it, I've got copies."

Orelia struggled for a moment then, "You'd never send it to Gossip Girl. You don't have the balls. You never did." She didn't sound sure.

Blair had rehearsed this in her head dozens of times, it was going just as she knew it would, she let out a controlled little titter, "Oh no sweetie," she smiled, "I'm not going to send it."

Orelia's face sagged with relief.

"You are."

The room was silent for a few minutes save for the whirring of the computer and the distant roar and honk of the streets.

Cynically, "And why would I do that?"

"Because I have you mother and your father's email address. Daddy's a senator, no? Big on family values? Well I don't think he'd like to see his little princess getting hot and heavy with his 34-year old campaign manager. And somehow I don't see you mother being too pleased about you spending so much quality time with her boyfriend."

Orelia looked down to the ground; Blair could see she was struggling with tears now, "Blair . . . I can't . . ."

"Don't be so hard on yourself Ori, you sent that post about S, didn't you? This should be a breeze." She stood up and offered the chair to Orelia, "Come on then, I'll help you."

------

When Blair got home she didn't go into her room to watch Tiffany's with Nate, Chuck and Serena at first. She found her laptop and plugged in her pen drive. She went into the anonymous e-mail account she had already created. She dithered for a moment over the names of Orelia's parents. If she chose both, Orelia's family was ruined forever. If she chose the father, the mother would inevitably find out and her relationships with both her parents would be ruined. Blair had no choice, she had to finish Orelia once and for all, but she didn't want to go too far. But if she chose only the mother, it would remain a secret between Orelia and her mother, and the privileged youth of Manhattan of course. Eventually she highlighted only Orelia's mother's name and sent the pre-prepared e-mail to her.

She closed the laptop neatly and went to see the end of the film.


	8. Chapter 8

**OMG! Two chapter at once, I am on fy-ah! Anyways thanks to everyone for the reviews, I'm taking everything on board and . . . I hope you enjoy these two chapters!**

"And so ladies, can anyone explain to me why Cézanne has chosen to de-personify his Demoiselles D'Avignon? Anyone? Ladies, this will be in the mid-term! I had hoped . . ."

Blair's art history teacher, Miss Greenbaum, droned on, her hoarse, dry voice made it relatively easy to zone out and reflect on the past week of school.

By the time Serena returned to school, her breakdown at the show was old news, the only thing anyone would talk about was the fall from grace of, and subsequent! I had hoped . . ."

Blair's art history teacher droned on, her hoarse, dry voice made it relatively easy to zone out and reflect on the past week of school.

By the time Serena returned to school, her breakdown at the show was old news; the only thing anyone would talk about was the fall from grace of, and subsequent move to Florida of the former it-girl Orelia Goering, or Whoring as the blogs now referred to her. Blair smirked. No-one had traced the entire thing back to her, and no-one ever would.

The part she honestly hadn't counted on was her taking Orelia's place, and Blair had to admit, the job came with a lot of pressure, her attire was either praised or slated every day on Gossip Girl. Wait, who was she kidding; it was coveted, adored and worshipped every day on Gossip Girl. With smug satisfaction Blair considered her new position. She dictated where they went now and ate and sat, although to be fair, not much had changed apart from that they never went to_ Ice_, Orelia's favourite and Blair's most hated club, anymore and that Leah was allowed to eat fat-free frozen yoghurt outside of the confines of a toilet cubicle.

Serena was sat next to her, writing feverishly. Serena loved art history, mainly, Blair thought, because Miss Greenbaum was the sort of "free spirit" Serena liked to identify with. It was the one class she beat Blair in. Needless to say, Blair could not stand this.

Miss Greenbaum switched the projector off, the class was finished, Serena leaned across to Blair, "Hey, what are you doing this lunch?"

"Meeting Nate." Blair kept her eyes trained on the now darkened projector screen, girls were filing out of the class now, Blair could feel Serena looking at her, eyebrows raised.

Blair turned to her, "Neither of us has class this afternoon, we're going to his to eat, and talk maybe."

"Are things okay between you guys?" Serena placed a concerned hand on Blair's forearm, Blair almost relented and told her, but then she considered the actuality of it, of how Serena would react, of the aftermath.

She stood up, and swung her bag over her shoulder, Serena let her hand fall limply to her side, "Never been better."

-----

The walk back to his house was awkward, and quiet, he tried to make small talk for a while and when she gave him nothing more than a word or two for his efforts, he soon gave up and tried to brush her hand as they walked side by side.

Blair stuffed her hand in her coat pocket.

They reached the house, it was stiller than Blair had ever known it and that was saying something because the house with 8 bedrooms had only 3 inhabitants.

"I gave Josefina and Afrony the day off."

Blair couldn't suppress a giggle, "I still can't believe your driver is called Afrony."

They smiled to each other for a moment and it almost felt like before.

"Blair, I'm so sorry about what happened that night. I can't believe I jumped to those conclusions."

Blair didn't answer, she dug her nail into her palm behind her back, she could feel the welt forming, and it felt like relief.

"I mean, I guess I just thought that because, well, of y'know . . . Serena told me she thought you felt insecure about our friendship . . ."

"She did?" Blair breathed, hurt, Nate didn't seem to notice, he was shuffling his feet.

". . . and I've been such a dick, that shit with Ashlee, I never meant it Blair." He stepped closer, and cupped her face with his hand . . . oh god, this was it. "I just worry so much about you B; Serena really called me out on how I've been acting and it made me think. You can talk to me, you know that? About anything . . . even, you know . . . your _problem _ . . ."

Blair kissed him just so he wouldn't go on, he kissed her back, more deeply and she could feel his breath come ragged after a few more kisses. They seemed to gravitate towards his bedroom, he unbuttoned the first button of her shirt tentatively and when she gave no protest made quick work of the rest.

She took off his shirt and trousers, out of habit more than anything else, she felt her skirt slip down to her ankles and herself being picked up and placed on his sheets. Oh god . . . this was it . . . what she'd wished and prayed and hoped for so many months . . . finally . . . so why didn't she want it?

He began to kiss her, hovered above her, she barely kissed back and turned her head to the side and he misinterpreted the movement, kissing her neck. Her skin crawled where his lips touched it. She blinked back tears and tried to enjoy his touch but his fingers were sweaty and searching and Blair could feel Ashlee and Serena and countless other tall, skinny blondes on them. She felt exposed and realised that she had allowed him to remove her bra. She moved to cover her breasts; she could feel the blondes' eyes on her, giggling at the tiny roll of fat where her breasts met her armpits. His erection pressed against her upper thigh and she felt the bile rise in her throat, the tears spilled over and she sat up, pushing him off and ran into the bathroom to be sick.

Leaning against the cold marble of Nate's bathroom wall in her panties, she could hear Nate trying to figure out what the hell just happened.

She closed her eyes and let out a rattling breath of relief.

Her eyes and stomach and heart were dry and empty now.


	9. Chapter 9

Nate called Afrony to take her home and went through to his study to let her dress alone. She went home and Nate didn't see her out of the house, nor did he call when she got home. Blair did her homework in silence and when her mother came home, Blair told her she and Nate had already eaten and that she could call Nate if she wanted. Eleanor declined.

"We'll have supper then."

Blair shrugged; she could pretend to sleep for that.

She went up to her room and slowly removed her clothes, putting them in a plastic bag. She stood before the mirror naked, inspecting her body critically. She supposed it would be alright to be this weight if she were Serena's height but as it was her legs were stubby and her knees and ankles were thick and graceless. Her stomach protruded unattractively. Her arms were aged with fat and excess skin. She got down to her knees and pulled a set of scales from underneath the slats of her bed, where neither Do rota nor Eleanor looked, she winced as she felt the roll that appeared on her stomach when she bent down like this.

Taking a deep breath, she stood on the scales. 5 feet and 3 inches. 7 stone and 2 pounds.

Not enough. Not yet.

-----

The next morning she got up at quarter to seven. She dressed even more carefully than normal, accenting everything with red. She weighed herself again. No difference.

She ate a few grapes and an oatcake to keep her mother happy who watched her closely and regularly asked her to open her napkin.

She walked to school with Serena and they bitched about Lily who had come home early because of some stupid party Claus or Klaus wanted to "network" at.

"He's totally using Lily!" Serena cried out for about the fifth time, Serena was going through a passive-aggressive rebellious faze where she referred to Lily by her first name to aggravate her and refused to answer any question directly, saying "Perhaps", "I guess", or "If you say so Lily" to every question Lily asked her.

Blair was going over to Serena's that night and she couldn't wait, crazy, cokehead Serena was dull and depressing to watch but this would be classic.

"Oh yeah Blair, did I tell you what I did last night?" Serena turned to her, her eyes bright and impish, "I've hidden her blackberry in my room; she's going crazy because she can't call Bendel's or her therapist whenever she wants. She knows I've taken it of course and she keeps calling it in my doorway looking at me, waiting for it to ring. It doesn't occur to her that I could've put it on silent."

"Dear god, my mom would kill me if I did anything like that." Blair smiled, "How's Claus, or is it Klaus?"

They both giggled, "He's gone on a bender in his SoHo apartment, well, he's told Lily that he's working but seriously, the guy has no brain whatsoever, he withdrew $3,000 from their joint account, literally the _moment_ the banks opened."

"How do you know?"

"Because they tried to call her Blackberry to confirm it, I let it rang out and they left a message, before they called the house, she got that."

Blair raised her eyebrows and widened her eyes looking down, "$3000! Why does your mom stay with him?"

Serena giggled and took a little sip of her latte, "The only thing I can think of is that he's got a maaaassive . . ."

"Serena!" Blair squealed, "I do not want to think about your mom and Claus!" She paused. "Or Klaus."

They both laughed, Blair took a sip of her own drink.

"Speaking of which, how was your "date" with Nate."

Blair choked on the froth of her drink; Serena thumped her on the back. "Ouch! That hurt!"

"Just being helpful, so?"

"So what?"

"Nate! Yesterday!"

Blair fixed her gaze ahead determinedly, they were almost at school, if she could hold this off for another few minutes Serena would have to wait until tonight to ask her and with Lily around, she would most likely forget.

"It was . . . good, we just, you know, hung out, ate, talked, the usual."

"The usual?"  
"Mm-hmm."

"I don't know how you guys keep it fresh without sex." She looked over at Blair, was that envy Blair saw in her eyes? "I guess that's what makes you guys so special.

"Well, I suppose sex doesn't have to be at the centre of everything." Blair let out a derisive laugh inside, it was just the great unknown that her life seemed to revolve around.

Serena let out a little laugh, "It _is_ fun though, I mean . . ."

Blair turned to Serena again, "Serena! Now I really do not want to think about you and Carter Baizen!" She paused. "Or Georgina Sparks."

The smile fell from Serena's face, "Don't be a prude Blair."

"I'm not! But Georgina? Really?"

Serena winced, "I know, but I was wasted and high, and I don't know, she just always convinces me to do things I never thought I would."

"I don't trust her."

"I know! But has she ever done anything to deliberately hurt me?"

Blair didn't get the chance to ask her, they had arrived at school and were immediately swarmed.

Blair saw Nate watching her, he didn't rush across to her, he looked scared and nervous.

She strode up to him and kissed him full on the mouth, in front of everyone, he seemed surprised, but put his hands on her back like normal and kissed back.

Blair could hear the "ooh"'s and "aah"'s and "Aren't they just so perfect"'s from all around the courtyard. She got down off her tiptoes and pulled away from him and smiled. It was starting to get cold and his cheeks were pinkish from the frost and sudden attention, his lips were loose and red from her kiss and his hair tousled from where she had put her hand in it. She just wanted to plant kisses all over his face and forget that the night before had ever happened.

"Can we forget it happened?"

Nate looked at her confusedly for a second, then she turned her eyes_ on_ and he relented, smiling at her. "Yeah sure."

-----

Serena's walls were a mess of pictures; Blair could see various versions of herself smiling down at her. Blair always felt safe in Serena's room, it was like a monument to their friendship, there were practically no guys in the photos, Serena barely seemed to value men. Her only real male friends Chuck and Nate, the rest were guys she flirted with, cheated off and slept with.

Lily had come into the room, raging about the Blackberry again and when she left to get a home phone to call it with, Serena leapt up, grabbed it, turned it off silent and put it on her bedside table before resuming her former position, lounging on the floor with Blair in their PJ's.

"What are you doing?" Blair hissed.

Serena giggled, "Shh! Wait and see!"

Lily came into the doorway and punched the number in, her eyes fixed on Serena, boring into her with disdain, Serena watched her mother coolly.

The Blackberry began to ring immediately. Lily strode across the room and grabbed it, "I knew it! Serena, why are you doing this? I mean really, why hide my Blackberry?"

Serena's face was blank and innocent. "Oh! Is that what that is?"

There was a moment of silence before Lily let out a little sigh of frustration, storming out and slamming the door behind her.

The two girls looked at each other for a moment then burst out laughing.

When they had recovered, Serena turned to Blair. "So spill, you and Nate haven't been normal since the show, and your little performance this morning didn't fool me."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

Serena raised her eyebrows and suddenly it all came flooding out, about his accusations, his cheating and finally about the night before.

"And so he let me get cleaned up and the driver took me home."  
"Oh B." Serena pulled her in close and began to stroke her hair, "I'm so sorry."

"Oh god, we'll never have sex now."

"Yes you will, you just need to give it time. Do you want me to talk to Nate?"

"No! He already thinks I'm crazy!" Blair sat up.

"He does not!"

"Does too!"

"Does not!"

Blair's phone bleeped a Gossip Girl blast about Georgina being caught in a clinch with an investment banker in Dubai flashed onto the screen.

"Speaking of crazy . . ." Blair breathed.

"Let me see that!" Serena seized the phone from Blair.

"Okay! Sharing is caring after all!"

Serena devoured the short paragraph, "I can't believe she didn't say goodbye."

"It's Georgina Sparks! What do you expect?"

Serena dropped the phone into Blair's lap and fell back onto the cushions, "I guess, and I suppose it's for the best, things could've got weird . . ."  
"What, after the thing with Carter?"  
Serena glanced up nervously at Blair, "Yeah."

Blair took the plunge, "So, what was up with that?"

"I don't know, Georgie can make me do anything."

"But wasn't it weird?"

"No . . . well yeah, obviously, 'cause they'd both done that kinda thing before and I hadn't, but I guess it was hot."

"You guess?" Blair laughed.

"I don't know I kinda like Carter . . ." Serena began.

"Like, you _like_ like him?"

"Maybe? I guess, and I thought . . . I don't know what I thought but he hasn't called or anything."

Blair was truly astonished. Serena liked a guy enough to care firstly, and then that she thought the best way to make him notice her was . . . oh dear, she never was the sharpest pencil in the box.

But Blair didn't say this, "So call him!"

Serena looked up, it was her turn to look astonished, "_I_ don't call _guys_, _guys_ call _me_."

"So make an exception! You've already told me you like him, that in itself is exceptional."

Serena considered Blair for a moment then, "Maybe you _are _crazy!" And she pounced, tickling Blair mercilessly


	10. Chapter 10

**Okay a slight change of pace, tell me what you all think, thanks again to everyone who reviews or has done!**

Saturday morning. When Blair woke up the house was peacefully quiet. She felt calm and euphoric for no reason in particular. She smiled, she and Nate were going out for lunch, then shopping with Serena and dinner with daddy. Perfect.

She weighed herself and did her homework in her pyjamas. Everything seemd lighter and easier today. She got ready to go out, and when Nate called she didn't pretend to still be getting ready like some girls did, she just let him curl his arm around her shoulders and went with him.

They talked, it felt like they hadn't talked in years. Nate seemed clearer and sharped today too. She only realised just now that it had felt like she was scrabbling through smoke fug to reach him, the air between them was cool and fresh. She watched him in the restaurant like she normally did, and he didn't look around him, he focused on her, and when he laughed, he tipped his head back a little and the edges of his eyes creased like crinkly crisps. Blair saw other girls in the restaurant looking at him with hungry eyes, but he didn't return their gazes.

"So, how did that essay for french go? I know you were worried about it."

She smiled and swallowed, "Aced it."

He laughed a little, "I don't know why you're always worrying about school, you've never failed a class in all these years I've known you, apart from," he paused, mock serious, looking at her earnestly, "7th grade netball. Flunked it."

She giggled and sat back, "Hey, you know that still hurts, why would you bring something like that up when you know the pain it caused me." She pretended to be in a huff for a few minutes and let him cajole her back to him.

"Seriously though, you shouldn't be worrying, _I'm _the one who should be worrying! I'm failing chemistry so badly right now."

"Whatever! You could totally pass it if you stopped letting Chuck take you outside for "fresh air" before class. And if Mr Pieser hadn't moved that kid from Brooklyn away from you."

Nate raised his eyebrows, conceding defeat, "Yeah, I think he's onto me, though Humphrey never figured it out."

They both laughed, Nate had cheated shamelessly from that kid all year and he'd never guessed.

"Speaking of, how is Chuck?"

Nate rolled his eyes, "Last I saw him last night, he was eyeing up some ballerinas, so god knows."

"Don't you think it's hilarious that he never just finds someone normal to sleep with? They always have to be really weird!"

"Remember the time he got wasted at Bungalow and tried to pull some off-duty cop."

"Oh god, we had to bail him out . . ."

"And that drunk was sick on my favourite loafers!"

Blair giggled, it _had _been funny, "If I was your mom I would've gone crazy!"

"My mom didn't care, she just bought me another pair! It was me who was upset, I loved those shoes."

They fell silent for a moment, Blair's hand lay on the table somewhere close to the salt and pepper, Nate slid his accross and interlocked his fingers with hers. Blair looked up and met his eyes.

He stroked her hand with his thumb, "And I love _you_."

Blair smiled and looked at their hands, she wanted a photo of them, they fitted together so perfectly, "I love you too."

-----

"So B, how are you enjoying it?" Serena held a short, jersey, orange affair up against herself.

"Ugh. No. You look like a bowling alley hooker. Enjoying what?" She stood up in front of the mirror and admired the navy blue silk shift dress she was wearing, she took a quick peek at the price tag - $1,300 – pocket money.

"Being queen!" Serena came up behind her with a long gold chain necklance and put it on Blair, "You have to buy this."

"You think?" Blair stood on tippy toes and shuffled round 90o, "It's good I guess, a lot of pressure, I wasn't really execting it."

Serena raised her eyebrows.

"Okay, so it might be just about the most amazing thing ever."

The both giggled. "Try the next one on."

Blair obeyed.

Serena pulled a bar of chocolate out of her bag and rested her head against the way, closing her eyes, "God,Kati and Iz are driving me crazy!"

"I know what you mean. We know their friends, why do they need to match."

"Maybe we should just start referring to them as Tweedle Dum and Tweedle Dee, see if they stop."

"What do you think?"

Serena looked up, Blair was in a tea green dress, with lace at the collar and wrists. "It's . . . nice."

Blair raised her eyebrows and laughed, "Yeah, if I was sailing up on the Mayflower!"

Serena snorted with laughter and chocked on a bit of chocolate, Blair had to laugh – she looked ridiculous. "That's funny – you should remember that."

"Yeah, for whatever my mom tries to dress me up in next." She put on a fake Russian accent and turned around suddenly and comically, putting her hand on her hip and exaggerating the pose, "How's Klaus?"

Serena still had chocolate in her mouth, she put her hand over it, "No idea." She swallowed, "He and Lily broke up. She's gone to some therpeutic spa upstate to "externalise her issues". Whatever."

"Can you get this zipper?"

Serena walked over to unzip it. "She was a bit upset actually, I might have to start calling her mom again when she gets back."

"Probably for the best."

Serena shrugged, "All done."

Blair stepped out of the dress, "Come on, let's go get the blue one."

They went down to shoes next, arms linked, which was a bit awkward because Serena seemed to have shot up another few inches in the last few weeks, but they made it work.

"Have you eaten?"

"Yeah, with Nate."

Serena asked for a pair of gold strappy platforms that Blair wouldn't have been seen dead in in her size and Blair asked for some red patent heeled brogues.

"How was it?"

"Really good actually, things felt right today. I'd missed him"

Serena nodded and began to buckle the straps of her shoes. "I know what you mean."

"You do?"

"Yeah, he's been a bit weird recently, is everything okay with him?"

Other than him cheating on me? Wanting you? "Yeah, I think so, I don't know though, maybe his family, the Captain can be a little . . ."

"Yeah totally, or his mom, she scares me." Serena finished with her shoes and turned to face Blair and lowerd her voice, "Whenever I speak to her I always think it's like the only part of her face that's real is her eyes, like they're in a cage and she widens them and it's like "Help I'm stuck!"" Pause. "But maybe it's just the botox."

Blair exhaled loudly, "Or the valium."

"Ugh, I forgot about that. Sucks."

"Pretty much, I don't know, I don't like to bring it up, y'know?"

"Yeah, I guess."

-----

"Blair-bear!"

Blair's father stood up and opened his arms when she walked in, other diners looked over their shoulders and miled indulgently. Blair gave him a little peck on each cheek, European-style and nodded to her mother as she sat down. Her mother smiled stiffly and took a glug of her gin and tonic.

"Hey mom." She smiled to her father, "How was work?"

"Dull, dull, dull! Your mother's day was better – tell her Elle."

"We're launching a male line."

"Oh wow, mom, congratulations!"

Eleanor turned to Blair's father, "With Roman Quincampoix as the male muse.

"Oh parfait!"

Eleanor rolled her eyes. Blair glanced between her parents and remembered their fight, her mother muttering Roman, her fathers unexplained absence two nights ago. She pushed it all to the back of her mind.

"So, Madame Bombardier totally loved my Camus essay!"

"Ah mon chérie, I've always loved all things French" Eleanor snorted, Harold ignored her and continued, "And it seems you do as well."

Eleanor interjected – "I though Camus was Algerian?"

Haroled smiled tightly, "Well French Algerian Elle."

Blair switched again, "I think Nate's failing Chemistry, I was thinking of tutoring him?"

"How accomadating of you!"

Eleanor regarded Harold's benevolent face coldly, then, "Yes, most accomadating, but I'm not sure if I want you doing it, you're busy enough as it is, what with school and your extra-curriculars and your friends and Nate."

"Now Elle, I'm sure Blair can manage, can't youu baby?" He held her chin and looked into her eyes, "You get more and more beautiful every day my darling. It'll break my heart when we have to send you off to Yale."

Eleanor reached across to the bread basket and took a roll and began to butter it. "About that, have you spoken with Dean Roberts Harold?"

"Blair and I will be attending a cocktail party at the alumni house with him next month."  
"Next month sounds .. . perfect."

Pause.

"So daddy, tell me about when you were at Yale, I want to hear it all again."

Eleanor rolled her eyes, "Waiter!"


	11. Chapter 11

Harold flew out to London for business the next morning and Eleanor shut herself up in her studio all week working fiendishly on the new male line. Blair dropped in occasionally and offered pearls of wisdom on her mothers work.

"Make that lapel a quarter inch skinnier."

"Excuse me?"

Blair raised her eyebrows and motioned, Eleanor re-sketched it and evaluated it critically, her brows shot up, "Well, thank-you Blair."

Blair smiled, excused, and strolled over to the women's racks, running her fingers through chiffon and silk and linen, over lace and beading and pleating, over scalloping and crimping and stitching.

"Blair Waldorf." She breathed.

One day, all of this would be hers.

-----

Nate called her at two. Chuck was, apparently, having a party in his suite and Nate wanted her to go with him. Blair's lips curled, she made out she had some important plans that night, she wasn't sure. Nate, of course, knew she had no plans; he coaxed her into going and offered to pick her up at 9.

She texted Serena, no answer, which struck Blair as odd, but she let it lie. She logged online, and her good mood evaporated immediately. Big, dark, kohl-lined eyes smirked out at her from the screen.

Her phone rang.

"Well that didn't take long."

"What'll we do now?" Blair leant back into her chair deeply.

"Georgina's too smart, we can't pull the same trick we did last month."

Blair sighed in frustration, "God, can we just lock her the ice room or something."

She could hear Chuck's smirk on the other end of the line, "Crude, Blair, crude, don't worry, I'm sure the opportunity will present itself in good time. I trust you'll be attending tonight."

"Of course. Nate invited me."

"Touching."

She remained silent, inspecting her toenails, could she get away with two-day old paint? Best not risk it. She got up and walked into her wardrobe, inspecting the racks of party wear.

"What's the dress code?"

"Minimal."

"How does my Manolo up your ass suit?"

"4."

Blair understood the code immediately, 1 was black tie, 5 was jeans.

"See you later Bass."

"Waldorf."

The phone line went dead; Blair began to sort through the racks. A short purple pencil skirt, a black backless but long-sleeved top, the long gold pendant Serena had picked out last week and some shoes with covered toes.

Done and done.

-----

By the time they arrived at Chuck's suite, Serena was paraplegic. Georgina sat in the corner of the room, draped across a Trinity lacrosse player, watching Serena and chain-smoking as the boy tried to get her attention with his stories.

The suite was packed, and it took Blair a few minutes to find Serena who was lying on the floor next to the coffee table, laughing hysterically. Blair and Nate, pulled her up onto the couch where she immediately stuck up "conversation" with some Trinity freshman Blair thought was called Asher.

Whatever. Nate and Blair turned to each other and giggled he cupper her face and kissed her lightly, "Do you want a drink?"

"Yeah, sure"

The minute Nate left, Kati, Iz and Leah rushed up to her, "Hey B!" the squealed in almost perfect unison.

Blair looked Kati and Iz up and down, they were dressed in identical silk, one shouldered tops and body-con skirts, but ones top was green and skirt black, and the others top was black and skirt green.

"Wow. You guys really love this matchy-matchy thing." Kati and Iz looked at each other uncertainly.

"Do you not like it?"

Blair turned to Leah and smiled, "Have you seen Chuck?"

Leah let out a high-pitched giggle that made Blair's ears ring; Serena kept tapping Blair on the back and shouting "B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B!" Blair's head felt crowded and everything about this place was suddenly irritating and inadequate.

"Not since we arrived B." Blair had never realised how truly aggravating Leah's voice was, "Though, knowing him, who knows where he could be by now! Huh? Huh?" She nudged Blair drunkenly, giggling at a decibel Blair would not have thought humanly possible had Leah not just emitted it.

"Thanks, sweetie. What size is that dress?"

Leah's face died immediately. She pulled at her hips nervously. "A two."

Blair raised her eyebrows and turned away, parting the crowd easily to find Nate, who was by the bar with Chuck, holding her drink and his. He passed it to her.

"Gin martini?"

She smiled, "You know me well."

Nate laughed uncomfortably, "Actually Chuck ordered." He downed half his rum and coke. Chuck pulled a fat joint out of his his jacket.

"Smoke?"

Nate nodded.

"In here?" Blair asked.

Chuck smiled, "It's my party . . ."

He took a long drag and passed it to Nate, who offered it to Blair.

She shook her glossy curls, "I'm fine as I am."

Chuck snatched back the joint, at that moment, Serena collapsed onto Blair.

"Blair! I found you! I was with Georgie but she's not talking and she's just sitting and I saw you and I was like B-B-B-B-B—B-B but you just ignored me and I lost you and I didn't know anyone, so I was like _I'll find B and Nate and maybe even Chuck_ and I thought it would take me _years and years and years_ but I've only been looking for a few minutes and here you all are . . ."

She kept rambling, Blair leant across to Chuck, "Did you get her high?"

"Nope, must've been Georgina." He whispered back as Nate laughed at Serena who was pulling a face over Blair's face at him. He raised his voice again, "Shall we?"

He motioned towards his room, Blair half-dragged Serena and she collapsed on the bed, giggling, Blair was beginning to enjoy wasted Serena and she tickled Serena, who screamed and curled up into a little ball on the end of Chuck's bed.

The room was utterly impersonal. On the bedside table sat an alarm clock, a lamp and baseball in a glass case, the only sign that this room was permanently occupied. Blair ventured into the closet, as Serena lay giggling at Nate and Chuck, who were smoking out the window.

It was as colourful and varied and expansive as her own wardrobe or her mother's racks of clothes at the studio. She ran her fingers over walls of folded cashmere, every colour of the rainbow, lines of suits from black and navy to palest pink and green, over a display of bow ties, various patterns jumped out at her like a euphoric migraine. There was an entire wall devoted to shoes, swish Italian loafers and neon Japanese-import Nike high tops mingling. In the middle of the room, on the table, a number of watches and empty shot glasses and tumblers, in middle sat his patchwork scarf; she ran her fingers over it, feeling the stitching, the silk, the indents.

She turned, her hands still trailing over the scarf and looked back into Chuck's room, Serena was drawing on her face with a lipstick, Blair giggled, and Nate and Chuck were laughing together at the window, completely absorbed in whatever they were saying.

In this moment, Blair finally knew that she and Chuck were exactly the same person.

-----

Blair woke up when the sun rose the next morning, curled under Nate's arm, with Serena sprawled next to them and Chuck curled up at their feet. Nate was still asleep so she just lay with him.

Chuck yawned suddenly, his mouth as clean as a cat's, he rolled off the end of the bed to his feet and padded over to his dresser to make himself a drink. Serena snored loudly, Blair settled under Nate's arm again and watched Chuck, he wandered over to the window and opened it, leaning out.

Blair could already hear the early morning breaths of the city, bus horns sounded sleepily from further downtown, metal shutters on shops were rolling up, subway trains were screeching into stations. The day had begun.

"I'm Chuck Bass." He whispered to the city.

Blair closed her eyes again and nestled into Nate's armpit.


End file.
